Thoughts from a girl mom in the thick of the tween years

If you’re raising a tween, you already know it’s a wild, beautiful ride.

Ella is 12 now, and I feel the shift every day—she’s becoming more independent, more opinionated, more her. Some days I feel like I’m holding on tightly to something that’s slowly letting go. And other days? We’re dancing in the kitchen like nothing has changed.

Here are five small things I’m doing to stay close to her during this in-between season. They’ve helped me, and maybe they’ll help you too.

1. I Give Her Space (Even When I Want to Hold On Tighter)

Ella’s been needing more alone time lately—reading in her room, FaceTiming friends, listening to music with the door closed. It used to hurt a little, if I’m honest. But I’ve learned to give her space without disappearing. I’ll knock. I’ll peek in. I’ll let her know I’m always here. Because even when they need space… they still need us.

2. I Let Her Have Big Opinions

I used to want to jump in and fix or reframe. Now? I ask questions. I let her talk. I tell her, “That makes sense,” or “I get why that felt hard.” It’s wild how much more she shares when I stop trying to fix everything and just listen.

3. I Try to Match Her Energy

Sometimes she’s goofy and loud and wants to film TikToks. Sometimes she’s quiet and moody and needs a soft place to land. I’m learning not to take it personally, and instead just meet her where she’s at. On her best days and her messiest.

4. I Let Her Teach Me Stuff

She taught me a dance last week I definitely should not be doing in public. But she laughed the entire time. And the way she lit up when I asked her opinion on my outfit? Worth it. These tiny things make her feel capable and connected.

5. I Keep Showing Up

There are days she acts like she doesn’t need me. But I show up anyway. I put the snacks in her room. I sit near her even if she’s quiet. I ask if she wants to go for a smoothie. I remind myself she still needs me. Just in quieter ways.

A few more reminders I keep close:

• If she can trust me with the little things, she’ll trust me with the big ones.

• I give her grace, even when she’s emotional or off.

• I stay curious about her music, her style, her favorite activities and ideas.

• I let her see me, too. I say sorry. I admit when I’m wrong. I tell her I’m proud.

We’re growing together. And I wouldn’t trade this season for anything.

Want more gentle motherhood and tween girl inspiration?

You can find more on:

• My LTK – all Ella’s favorite outfits, tween room finds, matching fashion!

• Instagram – behind-the-scenes moments, gentle parenting, and our life in real time

Let’s keep showing up—for them, and for ourselves.

Love, Christy